Or it could have been when we got to the airport in Puerto Rico and we were weighed before we got on the Cessna to the island and I couldn't get "La Bamba" out of my head. Or maybe, still, it might have been when, after 24 hours of taxis, and shuttles, and planes (oh, my!) my 2 year old, in his clothes from yesterday because our bags were in Charlotte, NC, had a massive meltdown after our driver had dropped us off at the wrong hotel and the boy was told he had to take yet another shuttle to the right one. He screamed at a Metallica concert decibel level, "NOOOOOOOO!!" expressing the emotion all of us were feeling. Not sure the lobby patrons recovered their hearing.
Nope, I actually think it was when I had my own meltdown.
The lovely, Tameka, at the front desk (at the RIGHT hotel) opened a map to show us where our villa was and asked, "did you drive a car?" and proceeded to map out a hike for us to get to our place. I began to cry and she very quietly and promptly signaled someone to take us there. Upon arrival, the sweet bellman told us that our room was on the second floor, but had forgotten to mention which room number. I ran, sobbing, from room to room with our key, trying each door, while my husband, delirious in his own right, stopped the elevator door and pushed the fire department button and asked the poor soul on the other end, "do you know what room we are in??"
We were in for one, wild ride.
SO, Here are my 10 MOST EPIC MOMENTS of our beautiful, all-be-it shortened, trip to St. Thomas, VI.
10. When we were waiting for our plane to San Juan, we were in the terminal, just killing time. My oldest son had been a total trooper for 9 hours (!), but was slipping into that "I need a nap" zone, so he actually slipped and got a rug burn on his nose. Then, he spotted one of those "use the claw to get out a toy" vending machines. We did it a couple of times without success OF COURSE BECAUSE YOU CAN'T WIN AT THOSE GAMES, THEY ARE DESIGNED FOR YOU TO LOSE, but my son was not having it. There were multi-colored balls in there and he just had to have one. So, my husband handed me some ones and just said, "to buy us just a few more minutes before we board." I put in the dollar bill, maneuvered the claw and GOT A YELLOW BALL!!! IT ACTUALLY WORKED! My little guy started jumping up and down. I thought out of pure joy of my massive accomplishment. Oh, no. It was out of anger. He wanted the BLUE BALL. So, in went more dollars. They call our plane. We need to board. And Thank God, I was able to get a blue one just in time.
9. You need to know how we missed our flight. I mean, I could say,"I have 2 children under the age of 3 and a husband that hits snooze 47 times before he gets up" and that should give you plenty reason why we would miss our 6:30AM flight. But here's the deal. 3 alarms that were set did not go off. The driver tried to call my phone. My phone was turned off, hence the lack of alarm on my part. I was able to reach the driver, 30 minutes later, and asked (actually, begged) him to come pick us up. Thank goodness he had a sweetness and compassion and came back. We are now running an hour late. There, of course, was an accident on the highway and so we had to detour. Our driver then dropped us off at the wrong gate. Piling back in the car, we get to our gate at JFK 45 minutes before our flight. US AIRWAY (DO NOT USE THEM, EVER!!!) saw us with our 6 bags, car seats, double stroller and OH, 2 CHILDREN, and said that we had "just" missed the cut off. The plane was still at the gate, not taking off for another 30 minutes, but we would not be allowed to board. I walked away, with my baby in my arms, regained composure and asked how we were going to get there. THE IDIOT at the computer told us that there wasn't another flight until NEXT SATURDAY. I had never considered homicide before this, but this little old lady was making it look ideal. Thank goodness a guy took over and worked some magic. Our bags were sent to Charlotte, NC, we would meet them after we made one of three stand-by flights and then fly to the Virgin Islands Sunday morning. Fine. OK. Miss one day. Well, as we were waiting for our first stand-by flight, I hear over loud speaker that an American Airlines flight is calling last call for boarding for a flight to St. Thomas. I send Daniel to that gate. He comes back with an unrecognizable look on his face. Part disbelief, part rage. Apparently, that flight had enough room on it for all of us (we also had our babysitter with us) and would have gotten us to St. Thomas directly in 4 hours. I tried to catch my breath. Had a hard time. OK. fine. We will have fun in Charlotte for a night. We go to our stand-by flight. NO ROOM. We wait for our second stand-by. We miss it, due to our own stupidity of thinking we were automatically moved to stand-by on the next flight when we missed the first one. We were not. So now, as a result of missing our flights, again, we had to be put on stand-by for our morning flight to ST. THOMAS. Well, this just wasn't acceptable. We might be able to get all 5 of you on board. ??!!! NO. The woman at the counter was very understanding and did what she could. She got us on a flight to San Juan at 3pm and then a guaranteed flight in the morning to the island. GOOD LORD!
8. Puerto Rico. All right, so our vacation starts somewhere unintended, but still kind of tropical? We are feeling ok, well, besides the horrific smell that is wafting from my clothes as the baby puke dried. We got to the hotel I had booked while trying to win my son a stupid ball from that stupid game, and it was beautiful. It was all white and peach, reminding me of MIAMI VICE. It had a casino, gorgeous people, a lovely gift shop where I could purchase a shirt and possibly set fire to the one I was wearing. I am excited. It's gonna turn around. I can feel it. I tell the charming woman at the front desk who we are. A bell man passes by. "Luggage?" "That's just heartless, dude. No, we don't have luggage." So, she looks up our reservation, smiles sweetly and says, "I'll be right back." We are all starting to breathe. The vacation is beginning. The island beat is thumping and bumping in the casino. The neon green, pink, and blue lights reflecting on the tropical fish tank are a welcome change from the florescent lights of the airport. Ahhh, could it be the beginning of our dream vacation? Here she comes. Ready to hand us our room key. "We are sorry. We are overbooked tonight and don't have a room for you." Que?????? I'm sorry. I'm not sure I heard you correctly. But before my face could turn purple she says,"We are putting you up in one of our sister hotels and will pay for everything. So sorry for the inconvenience." Ok. not great, but not awful, either. A few hundred dollars saved. So, my husband takes that saved money and puts it all on the number 31 to hit at the casino. IT DID!!! Our luck was indeed changing.
7. On our La Bamba flight to the Island, we flew under a rainbow. It was absolutely magical. It made everything we had experienced the day before, worth it.
6. We were told our bags would meet us at the airport. They were not there. AWESOME. After several phone calls and 4 more hours, they arrived at our door.
5. When we finally did settle into our hotel, we had a concierge meet us in our room to tell us about the events at the hotel and on the island. He was a big, fat sweaty guy who just made himself at home. He started talking about all of the fun things we could do while visiting St. Thomas. My 2 year old decides to climb on the counter and bumps his head, shattering a light bulb in an overhead lamp. The heavy breathing blob does not flinch. Then he starts rambling about how he knows the best spots in town and could get us deals and to always call him for ANYTHING. Then my son slams his toe in the door and screams bloody murder. Still, doesn't budge. He's still babbling about the Osso Buco at some dive that we should try on our date-a-versary (we met 4 years ago, October 17). My child is bleeding and this guy is asking if we want to take them snorkeling. Finally, I opened the door to shoo him out. He fiiiiiiiiiinally leaves. The next day, I go into town to buy swimmy diapers for the boys and the KMart is out of them. I leave a message with him if he has any other ideas. He suggests Walgreens. Again, no go. Finally, I track some down and ask him to pick them up. "I'm sorry, I can't right now." A few hours later, I am at the other property having a SPA DAY (yes, it did get better) and that hotel's store manager was like, "I'll call this pharmacy and get them to hold some swimmy diapers. And if you can't pick them up, I'll get them for you and run them to your hotel" She was amazing. But I tell her, "Oh, no. We have this nice concierge who said he would do anything for us. I'll ask him." He texts me, again, "NO, sorry. I'm busy. I can't help you." Even still, that night, I make reservations at one of the restaurants he recommended. Not great. In fact, not good at all. Then, the next night, I decide to ask the front desk "if you were celebrating an anniversary, would you go to this or that restaurant?" This being the one Fatty recommended. "Oh, you don't want to go there. At all. You want that place for sure." We changed our original reservation and our evening was perfect. Dude, hospitality is not your bag.
4. We went on a sunset cruise and our children were lovely, the skyline was divine. I felt like we had finally arrived.
3. On said cruise was a very handsome sailor who was part of the crew. This handsome sailor took out our babysitter on our last evening on the island. If you want to feel good about your post-baby, 40 year old body, here's a clue. DO NOT TAKE YOUR 24 YEAR OLD BROADWAY DANCING BABYSITTER. She turned every head, rightfully so. In all fairness though, WE WOULD NOT HAVE SURVIVED WITHOUT HER. She was amazing and dealt with all of our drama so beautifully. I highly recommend taking your sitters, no matter how gorgeous, with you if you travel with your children. She worked her tail off and in return, had her tail chased by a local. I hope that date made up for the 400 times she took both boys down the water slide.
2. The temperature of the pool was dialed in at "heaven". I have never, in my life, been in a pool this perfect. All pools will suffer in comparison.
And before we hit number one, there are some second-team selections I must mention. Moments like beautiful jewelry given as gifts, gigantic tubs to swim in, and Salinger read in the moonlight. There was as much beauty as pain. As many ups as downs. I guess traveling with kids will always be this way. Unpredictable.
But without further ado...
1. The most EPIC MOMENT of our entire trip - On our return flight, my oldest son had a 2 hour, red-faced, massive, inconsolable melt-down in first class. From wheels up to wheels down, he did not come up for air. He screamed, kicked and clawed, refusing to let anything calm him down. I had the pleasure of looking at each person in the eye and apologizing to them as I waited for our stroller and they exited the plane. One of my finest moments. One I will treasure for the rest of my life. One I will recall every time I am taking my children on a trip. One that I thank God for as it will give me the greatest compassion for anyone who has to go through the embarrassment, despair, and hopelessness of trying to quiet and console a fitful child on a plane.
So, who's in for BALI with my family on Christmas???!!!
