The Bottle and the Boob

When I was pregnant with my first baby, I read a lot of books and did a lot of research on line about everything from car seats and cribs to binkies and bottles. I would get myself worked up about the possible things that my child might experience during my pregnancy and his birth by spending every waking moment (which were many, considering my insomnia during the last trimester) reading. I was sure that one crumble of bleu cheese I ate would surely cause some permanent damage or that I would buy a front carrier that would suffocate my child. The messages I was receiving from one new mommy web-site would contradict the messages I was receiving from another. It made for stress and confusion, but there were two things I was sure on. I wanted to breast feed my baby and that he would't be given a pacifier, ever.

I FED MY BABY FORMULA AND GAVE HIM A PACIFIER. HE IS 2 AND STILL TAKES THE PACIFIER, OR AS OUR FAMILY CALLS IT, GINKY.

When Conley was born, I did all of the things my Lamaze Nazi teacher told me. I allowed Conley to find the breast on his own. I made sure that the nurses knew that I didn't want him to have formula or pacifiers. Within 24 hours of Conley's birth, my milk had not come in and my baby was hungry. I had to feed him. The nurses gave him formula and I was riddled with guilt. GUILT FOR FEEDING MY CHILD. I was mortified that I had already tainted him. All of the books and mommy advice I had been given had led me to believe that I was indeed poisoning my child. I cried. I felt like a complete failure. When I returned home with our newborn son, I tried and tried to give him enough breast milk and would have to top off my efforts by giving him a few ounces of formula. Every night, it would pain my heart. On the third night, the baby was crying and seemed to be inconsolable. My mom who had been staying with us for the birth of her first grandson, suggested that I try to give him a pacifier.
Me, in tears, "No. He will experience nipple confusion."
Mom, trying desperately not to laugh,"Nipple, what?!"
Sobbing,"Nipple confusion. He is having me, the bottle and a pacifier. He'll not know that the breast is best!"
She gave him the pacifier and he was asleep in minutes.

From those first nights forward, we used formula when I hadn't pumped, which was all of the time because I was a stay-at-home-mom and didn't need to pump. We used the ready made bottles when we would travel or go out to restaurants. The looks I got! (or at least, thought I was getting) Formula saved my child, well, both of my children's lives. I had to have 2 blood transfusions with the birth of Holden and was completely out of it for 2 days. He was 10 pounds and a trucker! He had to eat. Formula was an absolute necessity.
And yes, Conley still has a pacifier.

Why do we judge our mommy sisters? We ALL want what is best for our children. And sometimes, what is best, isn't the same for you as it is for me.

I met a woman at Starbucks a few days ago. She has a beautiful 5 month old daughter and we got to talking about our munchkins. She was going through sleep troubles and I was going through teething issues. In our conversation, she mentioned that she had felt judged because she was formula feeding her daughter. When her daughter was born, she struggled many days to breast feed and then felt ashamed because she had to turn to formula. Here she was, a lovely woman with a gorgeous baby feeling less-than because she made and continues to make, a choice that works for both her and her child. She feels judged at her mommy and me classes when she pulls out a bottle and not a boob.
I "exclusively" breast feed Holden now, but if formula is needed for whatever reason, I thank God that there is a solution.

Mayor Bloomberg on his rampage to curb obesity has wanted to remove formula from the hospitals, thinking that children who are fed formula have a greater risk of being obese adults. Could you imagine the mothers who, like me, want to breast feed, but can't because they had surgery or because their milk hasn't come in? What do you do then? Will the hospital have wet-nurses?!

I also know the reverse of this problem. Many women judge those that breast feed as "hippies" or too progressive. "My children were raised on formula and they turned out just fine" rang out when I was doing my research. "Breast feeding creates insecurity." Really?!
Or what about those mommies that choose to breast feed their babies well into their toddler years? Remember the uproar about the cover of Time Magazine with the 4 year old on his mother's breast? Why was there such a deal made about a mother making a choice? Time Magazine made it our business when it's clearly a mother's prerogative.

I'm just to a point now where I want to embrace the decisions I make for my family as being the right ones for MY family and celebrate the decisions you make for yours.(and if I happen not to like it, keep my opinion to my damn self) I know it takes a village, but I want a village of supporters and cheerleaders, not nay-sayers and boo-ers.

So here's to the bottle AND the boob! May we always have options in taking care of our children.

And Conley says, "Go Ginky!"