The Thing about a Blog...

The thing about a blog is you have to write in it.  My intention was to write my feelings, thoughts and ideas about motherhood in NYC. The key word here is WRITE. In order to do that, day in and day out, I would need time. As new mothers know, this is a complete luxury. When a "break" presents itself, I have to consider bathing, laundry or cooking in order of importance. What truthfully happens when I have a chunk of "free" time is a catch up on phone calls or cheezy prime time TV. Blogging tends to take a back seat. This pretty much sums up any kind of creative activity for me. When I became pregnant, my big idea was to keep a journal of the 9 months and then when Conley was born, I wanted to take a picture of him every day and log our activities as he was growing and making his milestones. I was going to give him these journals and pictures wrapped in a big, red bow that he could open on his 18th birthday. What actually happened was a journal for 3 weeks of my pregnancy, pictures for 4 days of his life, and a baby book that has cards and little keepsakes jammed into it with no order whats so ever.

I HAVE NO FOLLOW THROUGH WHEN IT COMES TO KEEPING A BABY BOOK/JOURNAL FOR MY KIDS. I HANG MY HEAD IN SHAME.

I haven't written in a while because I was on vacation. See, that is not true. I haven't written in a while because I chose to do other things with my time. The only person I am disappointing is myself, really, but that's it -  I am disappointed that I don't find time to creatively express my life or the lives of my kids. It's kind of sad, actually. I recently saw the video of the guy that took a picture of his son every day for 21 years. I bawled. And when google had the commercial with a dad who wrote an email to his daughter every day for 18 years, I was a wreck. See, I want to have that ability to creatively document these boys, but I was just not born with that gene. In college, I was always jealous of those girls who had a camera with them everywhere they went and who would make adorable, crafty photo albums to look through twenty years down the line. I have zero pictures of my years at Marquette or KU. I have high school year books, but no personal photo albums. I do have gradeschool photos for some reason. I can fondly look back on 6th grade when I had it so good. Recently, my husband and I went through pictures. He had so many photos of himself in college, looking handsome, happy and carefree. (ah, the days before children.) It was so fun journeying back there with him. He told stories and smiled at "the good ol' days." It was a joy for me to see the path he walked to get to us. I couldn't offer him the same experience and it bummed me out.
I guess I am trying to be honest about my inability to capture my life and the lives of my little ones in the hope that it inspires me to make more of an effort.
I did have this breakthrough, though. My son, Holden, turned one over our vacation. It was a wonderful celebration of his special day. I had made a photo album (with actual, physical pictures) at midnight the night before his party so that people could look through and glimpse his first year. (My husband went through the book several times in a row, and each time, at the end he would adorably say, "again?") I'm so glad I made this album because after the presents had been opened and the cake had been smashed, my mom took his little party hat and a bag that had been personalized for his first birthday and said,"you should keep these for your baby book." And instead of bashing my head against the wall, feeling like a horrible mother, I actually had one started for him!

My kids deserve to look back on these years in this incredible city with fondness and even though they may not be able to recall their experiences (like a Tom Petty concert or Broadway show), they will have the proof that they were there and can someday, journey with their loves the path that brought them to each other.

I am thankful for digital cameras, Face time, and Facebook. They make it pretty easy (even for a non-crafty) to snap and share. My parents wouldn't get pictures capturing all of their grandchildren's shenanigans otherwise.

The thing about a blog is I get to talk about all of this stupid stuff and feel just a little lighter about it all. The thing about a blog is that I can share my thoughts with you to see if maybe, just maybe, I'm not alone. The thing about a blog is that I can only write while my children are sleeping and baby #2 is stirring, so I must getty-up.
I love you, mommies. You rock.